About me
subject appears to be a white male, early 50's, pathologically tall/skinny. brain patterns show evidence of a life in alcohol - first swimming in it then running from it. fingers show wear from years of guitar playing. heart presents slow repair, through writing, from being broken by rock and roll.
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WELCOME TO THE WORKING WEEK: BECOMING WHO YOU ARE
There's been a lot written, especially here, about the act of re-invention as an integral part of the (at least) rock and roll experience. Declan becomes Elvis who becomes the ages etc. And can't the simple act of waking up each day be considered an act of invention, if not reinvention? Guess it depends on how you act once you get out the bed. I woke up to a completely blank slate this morning. Farm job gladly gone but little on the horizon (besides more housepainting and landscape gigs. I'm not gonna starve) in the way of an actual future, dig. Guys my age talktalktalk about being 'survivors' like that's the ultimate goal. Admittedly, dying kinda has a way of ending the crapshoot but this old man is tired of 'surviving', no this ain't another suicide post, I WANT A LIFE!!!!!
Survival is, of course, the primary goal. Can't achieve anything personally when dead, although as a source of inspiration, it's hard to beat a corpse (ie: Elvis P., Jesus C. etc). But, speaking as a still living human I can attest to the fact that merely getting from Monday to Sunday isn't cutting it anymore. So, what to do, what to do, what to do? Well, what can you (I?) do? In my case I've pretty much proven that I'm not a farmer and, although I have some of the talents neccessary, I'm nether ggrat shakes at being a store clerk or a telemarketer. I can write a little, but there's not much call for my style of violent verbiage here on the prairie, thus my yodeling here in cyberspace.
I've been told a play a pretty mean guitar and can write a song when pressed. So as a result I've decided to attempt to build a cottage industry based on the 200 plus songs I have recorded over the last 174 years. The lulu page was a start, but I'm stuck. Having moved so many times this past year I find I no longer am in possession of any of the CDs I had made of my old stuff and am even, at this time, bereft of a copy of 'Debut CD' or '1900', the most recent of my 'albums' to be available. So Carl, if yr reading this, I #$%^^ed up and lost even the Envelopes CDs (lost is a harsh word, I'm sure they're in one of these boxes but I'll be durned if I can find 'em).
And this, unfortunately is the story of my life. Great ideas, lousy execution. I need a manager or an agent and certainly some investors who'll help me become the new Dylan that I just KNOW I'm capable of becoming. In the past I've depended on goodhearted, albeit unqualified, people to help me fulfill my 'vision'. From the drummers who couldn't handle time changes to the bass player who couldn't remember parts to the webmasters who uploaded 7 minutes of noise and called it my CD and beyond I have half-assedly tried to get my music to the world.
It's barely worked. I must admit I'm at a loss as to how to proceed now. I've got literally hundreds of songs on cassette, have been writing lyrics my ass off, although without a guitar it's been hard to write actual songs. Having to use the library computer makes it impossible to upload music or even make lyrics available, time constraints (and the library staff's complete lack of computer knowledge) keeping me from getting the job done.
But I have hope. The worst part's over now. I've finally realized that music is what I have to offer and I can quit wasting my time trying to be what I'm not. Now it's time to become who I am. I am a writer and musician who has, through no one's fault but his own, fallen yet again on hard times, but that's cool. Adds to the mystique, don'tcha know? Gotta come up with some kinda 'sold his soul at the crossroads' myth to add heaviosity to the whole 'rep' thang.
Ain't that a load of crap, though, the whole mystique routine? It's easy to blame MTV for it's overbearing focus on the visual, but let's face it, rock and roll's been over half smoke and mirrors from the beginning. Gotta look this way, gotta dress that way, gotta say this, can't say that etc. I just want to be a guy with a guitar singing, recording and, yes finally, selling songs. I got this anti-Catholic hook going on but a) I'm genuinely antiCatholic and b) that's not exactly the kinda hook that sells records in large numbers. But that's OK, I neither want nor expect to get rich and famous, but it sure would be nice to eke out a subsistence living doing what I love and would like to think, I do best. So, does anyone think there's any kind of market for a 50 yr old never-was? Although one way to look at is, even though I never released a record these last 20 years, I've still recorded as much as Lou Reed. Mine just isn't recorded as well, but I'd go song for song with the old Death Dwarf and hold my head high.
Anyway, I'm rambling in as self referential a way as old Snagglesnoot Townshend ('.. let me tell you a little more about myself.') and am even boring myself. I'm gonna go google 'investors' and 'angels' and see what I come up with. Way I figure it, 3 grand and I'm a record company!
Posted by: timbyrnes at 19:04 |
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